Me in the Middle

So the trip to Copenhagen for the ONLY Jeans Blogging Party/ Competition begins in earnest tomorrow. And so begins my Black Ops Undercover Invasion of the World of European Fashion Bloggers. For those of you uninitiated, What Will I Wear Today won a Best Irish Blogger competition with Danish ONLY Jeans. Prize includes a 2-night trip to Copenhagen to partake in shopping, blogging and photo-shooting. As WWIWT holds it’s tongue very much in it’s sartorial cheek, winning was a bit of a mystery. To avoid being caught downtown in Fraudtown, I’ve been concocting ways and means of employing Fashion Subterfuge. Checklist to date:

1. Pair of outrageously fabulous shoes that I simply cannot afford. Instead of purchasing urgently-needed road tax for my car, I got some foxy, cut-out, snakeskin wedges from Office. They are a feast to, directional, fun and towering. No images on their website yet…and could have taken some myself, but that brings me onto point 2.

Not remotely like the shoes I bought, but here are another pair I would like to own...

2. Only have crappy point-and-shoot camera. Well not so crappy really, just my crappy technique at using it. There are some worrying blinkity-blink moments when the camera freezes as I’m taking a shot, and in all fairness, a true blogger has a superdupersnazztasticcamera. So what I’m gonna do is, draw a picture of a Canon EOS 5D + 24-70mm with F:2.8L Lens and a  Canon 580 EX II flash, colour it in, cut it out, carry it around and hope nobody notices…

This is not a real camera, this is a picture of a camera...

3. Real fashion bloggers have perfect skin. Fact. Just look at their pictures. Not a blemish in sight. And obviously Copenhageners (is that correct?) are cut straight from the image of God himself. My skin-tone is more frostbitten with smatterings of terrifyingly HUGE bruises. Case-in-point: fell off the bike last Monday and have a bruise that stretches from my bottom all across the back of my thigh and almost down to the back of the knee. I have to pause momentarily over the course of the day to make sure I’m not having deep-vein thrombosis or other such bruise-related issues. The burning heart of it is a violent purple and there are navy-blue tentacles streaming out of it, with little claws of green and yellow. U-G-L-Y. And so not becoming of a fashion blogger. So welcome to SprayTown – one spraytan for me thanks very much.

Perfectly tanned Copenhagener at Copenhagen Fashion Week

4. Every fashion blogger worth their salt must have at least one designer item par excellence. Even if you say Dunnes in a French accent (Saint Bernárd), I don’t think it counts. So I ventured forth into the world of Ebay and bought a vintage Moschino belt. Y’ know the ones – big, brash and heavy on the branding – an 80’s staple. I love it for it’s irony. Scrap that, I just love it. Only problem is, it doesn’t actually fit. It seems to be made for a child’s waist, although I’m quite sure that is not their target market, so I’m baffled. I’m going to wear it as a headpiece or fashion a bag out of it.

I’m also gonna wear some specs, a 60’s style press cap, take furious notes with a furrowed brow and perhaps smoke for the three days. What think you? Will I pass?  More updates to follow in the coming days. Wish me luck.