Dear Wages,

How nice to see you again, it’s been far too long. I was starting to worry our friendship was doomed, never to make an appearance again. But I simply must say, this reunion is making me feel a bit anxious. You see Mr Credit Card Bill stresses that he would like to arrange a meeting between yourself, myself and himself immediately. He uses CAPS LOCKS throughout the letter so I can only presume it is of HIGHEST IMPORTANCE. Ms Topshop, Ms H&M and Ms A/Wear would also like to meet for a long overdue lunch and I couldn’t possibly let them down as I haven’t seen them in quite literally, an age. Ms Topshop has given birth to a darling new season and I hear A/Wear has had some mischievous antics with famous collaborators – all this I’ve had to miss out on. I really do feel rather bereft.

If you could reply to this letter as soon as possible to let me know what you would like to do, it would be much appreciated. If not, I presume you will be at the luncheon with the girls.

Yours Faithfully,