This I can use at night to conserve electricity

 sounds like the start of a sexy story right? wrong. one day i had to call in sick to work as i had a spot on my lip. true story. my whole bottom lip had ballooned overnight and so i looked like a tragic botox victim, who could only slur words out one side of my mouth. the guys in work decided to call me lips mc ginn. and ever since then i have developed a fascination with the lips clutches from lulu guinness. some may say passé, others too-kitschy, and the kiss (hee hee) of death is too-katy perry. i say: lips mc ginn with a lips clutch? it’s a double whammy. i also say that was a fairly obvious segue, but at least i got to use, and enact, the word segue. and as you can see below, i have ingeniously created a list of uses for their versatility and a plausible argument as to why i must have them in 6 different shades.

This I can use as a bartering tool if I am ever held hostage. It's real gold.

This I can use when I fly to London to see my British friends, lest they mistake me for some sort of drunken paddy

This I can use to coordinate with my hi-vis cycling jacket

This I can wear with my porn-star shoes. And to beath new life into my gold lamé catsuit

This I can wear with my new zebra necklace!!