Have you ever wondered what to do when you wake up in the morning looking rougher than Pat Butcher after a drunken catfight with Peggy Mitchell? You stare agog at your pasty, bloated, sleep-deprived face with 3-day old mascara and seaweed hair. Your body refuses to cooperate with traditional dressing techniques and all of a sudden, everything you own is mismatched, stained or criminally ugly. Fear not, for your survival guide is laid out below…

1. Don a lurid, multi-coloured, sequined, ribboned, fringed, spandex cat-suit. That should sufficiently detract attention from the roughness. A cowboy hat and some spats would also do the trick nicely.

2. Put on your Fuck You face.

3. Paint your face. Aliens, butterflies, Cher and Macaulay Culkin have proven popular among Dogs Arse survivors.

4. Stand next to someone who looks worse than you.

5. Watch an episode of Fair City. Everyone is so downtrodden, it’s bound to make you feel heaps better.

6. Just keep your eyes to the floor, eyes to the floor.

7. Wear a full-on body suit. Gold lame if you look really rough.

8. Do not leave the house.

9. My personal fave: Own It, Work It, Be It. Embrace the ugly and parade it about the town. Why not even pop into Brown Thomas for some Mac Staff Whiplash (when the staff momentarily freeze in horror at the site of your bare, make-up free face) and some general Bag Lady Shock Tactics.

He Knows It

She Knows It

He Knows It

She Knows It

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