stella bomber. allegedly for sport, more suited to crunking in a grimy detroit club.

something has been perplexing me of late. as hordes of females across the nation prepare for various charity runs, triathlons, rounders matches, tag rugby competitions and bootcamp sessions, the sporting boundaries have suddenly shifted. no longer is there a general camaraderie and we’re all in it together sisterhood, nor is it a cut-throat sprint to the end, victorious and inglorious, but rather a my shorts are sexier than your shorts.

 nobody cares that you can run 15 miles backwards up a mountain, or that you have gone from muffin top to marathon man in 2 months. you have an abdominus rectus that could be used in biology diagrams and you can bench press a legion of small children – who cares? the real measure of your sporting prowess is how cutting edge your sporting attire is. and we’re not talking aerodynamic, superhero-style lycra. it’s sequins, it’s stacked heels, it’s acid brights – these are the cornerstones of your ability to impress in the female changing rooms. are new trouser shapes and prints strictly for the catwalk? don’t think so. you wanna sashay up to that batting post in a pair of sergio rossi wedges for puma. you wanna float into your yoga class with some sass and bide cargo pants. and by god, if you’re gonna run in the dark, you better be wearing the stella mc cartney jacket in flouro-magenta. from the run straight to the club. it’s all gone a big pete tong if you ask me. the one sanctity from the relentless merry-go-round of fashion used to be the sweaty, airless gym where sartorial one-upmanship was a myth. now you gotta flash the cash in your spin class.

Segion Rossi for Puma. The stacked heel may actually improve your visibility on the pitch?

Ash studded tracksuit bottoms. For the battlefield.

sexed-up splash top from stella for adidas

sonia rykiel joggers. a little WAG-goes-to-the-gym, but refreshing nonetheless

nike gym bag. for gym stuff. and you can tell its for ladies because its pink. how helpful.

Y-3 harems. €230 worth of nondescript yogic apparell

sass and bide cargo. my fave of the crop. takes you straight from gym to anywhere outside the gym.

sexy yet practical front-stroke from stella again

balmain prepares you for bootcamp in pheonix park for only €1036. added holes for added kudos.

even hussein chalayan, designer extraordinaire, got in on the action

let everyone know you only drink designer at the womens mini marathon with this stella sports bottle