I swapped over to a new handbag yesterday. I went from a boxy and foxy mock-croc handbag (picked up for €1 in a charity shop in Stoneybatter) to a navy and cream sailor-chic bag I got in Mango a few years ago. Pretty straightforward swap one might think. WRONG my friend, so wrong. I’m grasping for something that can convey the gravity of the situation. Perhaps the collective disbelief and subsequent rage when the World Cup qualifier was cruelly snatched from the nations hands? Or the unparalleled disappointment when you pull up, hungover, to the McDriveThru only to realise that all you have in your pocket is a crumpled tissue, a broken lighter and 86c?
So with the gravitas suitably established, let me continue on with my great tale of woe.

Whilst in morning rush hour traffic, I reach into the bag for my moisturiser (I have a whole beauty routine to stave away the roadrage when driving, I find it quite soothing) only to find a load of grit and some ageing receipts. No moisturising, no teeth flossing, no hair brushing, no eye-brightening, no nail strengthening…for the entire day*. Drive up to work, step outside, realise I have no umbrella, then realise I am wearing a heavy woolen coat, which will now smell like the bog for the rest of the day. Arrive at the office gates. Search for my keys. My little silver pouch that I carefully stock with all my very-important-keys is left in the very-important-compartment in my other bag. Now must wait for another hour until my colleague arrives.  Go to buy a coffee, then realise I left my wallet at my desk in the office that is locked. Stalk up and down outside the office for a while. Go back down and sit in my car. Storm into work now fuming as my bag swap means I have lost the luxurious hour in the morning to do my personal errands and correspondence before the boss arrives and now I will actually have to do some work. Later on, I also realise I now don’t have my passport which I needed to photocopy to set up a new bank account. Which was a savings account. Which means I’m going to spend money today that should be in my savings and then I’ll spend a little bit more by the end of the week and before you know it, I’ll have blown my savings. My bag of brazil nuts, just purchased yesterday, are now unavailable for 11ses…this in turn means I’m missing my shot of selenium. I fear the depression setting in further. No gloves at lunchtime, no Vaseline for my dry lips, no handy tissue pack for delicate, dainty nose-blowing, no headache tablets for the incumbent stress migraine and finally – NO BLOODY HERMESETAS FOR MY TEA*.

I must point out that lots of people stick with the one handbag for practicality; I don’t. I like to coordinate the bag with the look…a little detail I appreciate in others and practice myself.  But in terms of the actual swapping procedure, all I can say is that change has to be carefully managed – all that management theory psychobabble is spot on. Witness the chaos that ensues…

* i am a good driver mr policeman, i just like to multi-task.
*artificial sweetener that has potential carcinogenic properties but am wholly addicted to.

giant handbags are giant for a reason. they carry your sanity.

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