i had a look at my grey leather jacket this morning, or rather i had a whiff of my grey leather jacket this morning. it is obscenely dirty. i know the leather jacket must look battered and bruised and worn down from all the epic adventures you have shared together, but my one is just filthy. too many parties, to many nights spent on the floor, too many days rotting in my car boot. thing is, i have no idea how to clean it. i know this might seem like a basic tenet of human routine, but i seriously don’t know how to clean it. i can’t put it in the washing machine; that much i know. i also know that i am not paying for it to be dry-cleaned – that just seems ludicrous. are there special products for such occasions? more importantly, would i use them? and therein lies the rub – i am just not one of those people. i don’t buy leather protector for my boots, i don’t freeze my woolens overnight to prevent bobbling, i don’t use special whitening stuff to keep your whites brighter than bright, i don’t iron the creases back into my trousers, i don’t attach new pins to broken broaches, i don’t use that special cloth for gold jewellery, i don’t have those bags to separate your tights in the washing machine so they don’t get tangled with the rest of the load, or those bags to put underwear in so the wiring doesn’t pop out of your bra. i am strictly a ‘use it and lose it’ type. if it breaks, i don’t fix it, it if stains, i don’t clean it and if it smells…well then, it smells…

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